My name is Ramsey, but you may call me: The Puzzleboy.
We are gathered here today to unite under a common banner. A banner that promotes love, tolerance and humanity. Below the banner, people of every stripe gathered to compete, think, and puzzle together. A celebration of the self, but also the group.
In really big letters the banner says “The Puzzleboy is great!” And there’s a little word balloon above each of the people and they’re saying, “We agree with the banner!”
If you solve this month’s puzzle, you can also be somewhat great as you achieve immortality within The Puzzleboy Pantheon. Do you have what it takes?
Meet Sylvie Knox, hardboiled detective. She’s tough as nails, no-nonsense, and other adjectives one might use in the stage directions in a Coen Brothers screenplay.
She’s known around town for three things: (a) She gets results, (b) She gets results quick, and (c) She’s no good with tech stuff. She can send an email, maybe read a text, but beyond that? Forget it.
Anyway, here’s the mystery:
Hildy arrives at 10:03pm to find Officer Kovacs taking a statement from newspaper magnate J. “Oysters” Rockapella in the hallway outside his audacious Manhattan penthouse.
“My driver dropped me off 20… maybe 30 minutes ago. I could see from outside that a balcony window had been smashed and the lights were on. I opened the front door, called the police, and waited right here in the hallway. I didn’t want to disturb the crime scene.”
Hildy notes in her notepad that he said “glah-ss” instead of “glass.” He’s obviously a fancy person.
“What do you think they were after?” asks Officer Kovacs.
“I already know exactly what was stolen. I’m a Star Wars fan. To tie into the release of Episode I, Pepsi rebranded all of their cans with Star Wars characters. The thieves stole my…” He takes a moment to compose himself. “They took my Gold Yoda can.”
Officer Kovacs puts his arm around the distraught, nerdy man.
“That worth a pretty penny?” asks Hildy.
Oysters’ face flashes in anger. “It was insured for 50k, so you tell me.”
“I’d say that’s a lot,” says Hildy. “How did they get onto your balcony?”
“They could have climbed over from any of the other penthouses. Or even a neighboring building. I’m going to have a conversation with my window guy, let me tell you. I paid for tempered glass to prevent exactly this kind of thing.” The trio is silent for a moment before Oysters starts back in: “You know who you need to talk to? Doug Doogan's fingerprints are probably all over this. We’re in the same stormtrooper cosplay battalion. He’s been after it for years.”
“Who else has access to the property?” Hildy asks.
“Just my wife, but she’s on a plane, coming back from an Renaissance art auction in London as we speak.”
“I think I misheard you: who are we talking about?”
“My wife. Judith Rockapella.”
“I’m so sorry. I was assuming you were single because of the unhealthy Star Wars obsession, but I forgot you were rich, also. My mistake.”
“Let’s show Hildy the scene of the crime,” Officer Kovacs says in a cartoonish accent. I’ll let you choose which one.
They step inside and the apartment whirs to life. The lights come on, the fireplace lights itself, and awful jazz music begins to play. “What’s happening!?” asks a panicked Hildy.
“It’s a smart home,” Oysters explains. “The house only turns itself on when Judith or I enter.”
“Intelligence doesn’t enter into it. Where’s your butler hiding?” Hildy responds.
“He’s not… No.”
Scanning the room, Hildy sees the toppled collection of Pepsi cans and the broken glass on the balcony. The thief was clearly focused on taking just this one soda can: Oysters’ mail hadn’t been riffled through, and a fancy-looking watch was left untouched on the mantle.
Then, she saw it: right by the cans, a faint boot print. The sole bore a geometric pattern. She squatted down to examine as Officer Kovacs joined her.
“This track is single file,” Kovacs notes.
"Well, he only has the one left foot,” Hildy responds.
“No. I was doing a… I suppose I’d better call this in,” Officer Kovacs says.
“No need, Officer,” replies Hildy. “I already know exactly where to find the can snatcher.”
What?! How does Hildy already know the identity of the culprit? Who is it? And why would she say it in such a deliberately cryptic way instead of simply revealing who it was?
Okay, actually, just tell me who stole the can and how does Hildy know?
To submit your answer, please click this link and fill out the form. You have until 11:59pm ET on August 25th to submit your guess. There is no advantage to being first, so take your time!
NOTE: You are more than welcome to use the comment section of this post, but this is decidedly not the place to submit your answer or share hints. Doing so may result in your disqualification.
Think of your comments like you’re a series of promotional soda tie-in to a hotly anticipated film: you want to make people excited, but you don’t want to spoil anything significant.
